Get More Out of Your Conversations
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone has had to ask you to repeat something multiple times? It’s frustrating when you’re trying to tell someone something and they just won’t listen, but what about all the times you’ve been distracted in a conversation? There are a handful of reasons why humans aren’t great at listening, but the benefits to becoming a true listener are off the charts. Better connections, more trust, and happier relationships just to tout a few.
In her book, Listen Like You Mean It, Ximena Vengoechea talks about why listening is so important, and why we often get it wrong. Being a great listener is almost like having a super power, you’ll be able to tell what a person wants and needs faster and more accurately. This can help in almost any business, but especially in a people first business like real estate when you’re constantly talking to tenants, management, sellers, buyers, or agents.
Ximena goes through the 3 qualities that are most needed when becoming a great listener and how you can put yourself into “listening mode”. She also walks through how to have difficult conversations or conversations with people who aren’t the best listeners, plus what you can do to make sure that the person talking to you really feels heard. This isn’t just a crucial trait for anyone in real estate, but for anyone who wants successful relationships with the ones they love.
In every conversation, there a need, so the questions that are being asked are coming from a place that is deeper than the literal question. But there a need that the person is trying to meet, and maybe they trying to have you meet that need in conversation.
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What up, everyone? It Brandon Turner, host of the, here with my co host, Mr. David Active Listener Greene. What up, man? How you been?
I really good. I got a big property under contract, and adding to my team. We doing well, we hiring. And BiggerPockets is growing, the real estate market is solid. I think this is the best time ever to be in real estate.
Yeah, it is not a bad time to be in real estate. Yeah, we closed down a couple of big mobile home parks recently and we just about to launch fund number four. So three funds in the books and about to launch number four.
You just putting the fun in fund. You know that?
I put the fun in fund. That should be my nickname, Brandon Fun In Fund Turner. I just gave myself one. You like that? Is that allowable?
Yeah, you do that all the time. There something about people that
Can you give yourself a nickname?
Yeah. Only certain kinds of people do it.
I mean, it why everyone calls me Brandon Funnest Guy In The Entire World, Way Better Than David Greene Turner. That what people call me.
There is an abnormally large amount of people who say that, and I sort of resent it, but that okay, you earned it.
Thank you. Thank you. Well, let get into today show. I going to probably butcher the name here, Ximena Vengoechea. Wrote an amazing book, its called Listen Like You Mean It, and you going to learn all about the act of listening. Now, you might be thinking, do I care about listening, I a good listener, I have ears? Well, what today is about is about how we can listen better in a conversation so that we can build rapport, so we can increase our negotiation skills, so we can make people like us more, which helps in all areas of business.
This is just a really, really important topic that when I heard about this book, I was like, got to dig in more, because this is going to help you in your real estate business or whatever kind of business you trying to grow right now, it going to help you. So in the interview, replica hermes ostrich wallet
we talk with Ximena about, for example, the three components that you need to bring into every conversation to make it a really good conversation. I thought that was just like solid gold. We talk about managing your energy and knowing when to build your day, like when to do what activities throughout your day. We talk about that.
We talk about humility, which is super vital if anybody wants to be successful at anything in life. We talk about tracking progress towards a long goal, and a whole lot more. So, pay attention for all of that and more coming up here in just a second.
But first, let get today quick tip.
Here my quick tip. One of the things I mention in today show is how important it is, when you in a conversation with someone, we talk about how asking questions can be so helpful. So here what I want to challenge everyone with today, next time you having a conversation with someone and they are complaining about something in their life, whether it a business thing, a relationship thing, whatever, make it a goal in that one conversation, it just a game, we just playing a little game here, do not say anything that is not a question, only ask questions in that conversation, and see what kind of results the person that complaining comes up with.
So that my quick tip for today is, get in a conversation with someone where they complaining and only ask questions, and you going to see some remarkable changes in their life, I believe. So check it out. But more on that to come. And now, I think we ready to jump into this interview with Ximena. Anything you want to add, David, before we jump in?
Let jump into a little bit of your background. Today, we going to talk a lot about listening and conversations and networking and all that good stuff. But where did you, I guess, get this fascination or interest, I mean, enough to write a book on this topic, but where that come from? What your background?
Sure. I think the fascination comes from a larger fascination with people, who they are and what makes them tick. And that something that I been exploring in my day job as a user researcher for quite some time. So, for those who aren familiar, user research is what I would call one of the more people centric roles in the technology industry, where your job is literally to understand users, people, the people behind the numbers, and get a sense of how they use products, how they might use your product, what their needs are, their perceptions, their motivations.
And so it a great role for someone who interested in psychology and anthropology and that kind of thing. My background is in comparative literature, so I have a bunch of degrees that don really make a ton of sense for the tech world, but, that was my entry is, what can I learn about people in order to help build better products? And the core skill of being a researcher is listening. So that something that I been dedicated to for some time now.
Okay. Very cool. So, why, of all the books you could write and the topics you could cover, why did that end up being the thing that you like, is where I going to focus the next few David and I have both written books, it a marathon, it a tremendous amount of work and effort and time, so why listening?
Yeah. Listening felt super important to me in that I had learned these skills through my job of how to ask good questions, how to make space for others to say what they need to say, how to take conversations deeper. And while I was applying that in this traditional UX lab setting, it also just became increasingly clear to me that there was so much applicability outside of just the lab. And I started to feel, I remember at a certain point, almost like I had the upper hand. Like in a meeting, I could read the room a little bit better, I had a better sense for how to collaborate with people. Or as a manager, I was more in tune with who might work better together. And the same started happening in other areas of my life.
And the thing that has always compelled me to write and to take on a project that you going to be focusing on for many, many years is, is there something in here that useful for other people? Is there something here that I can share, some kind of knowledge that I can share that will be useful? And it felt like listening could be very useful in all of these aspects of our lives, and it sort of this quiet, hidden talent. I think we tend to spend a lot more time thinking about how we speak, how we show up in conversation. Can we persuade, negotiate, influence, pitch? All of those things are great, but there also this other side, which is, can we listen? And can we understand? And can we take that understanding and form a real connection with someone?
And I think right now in this moment, it feels like that connection, that human to human connection is harder and harder to come by for so many reasons, culturally, politically, blame social media. You can pick up so many reasons that that the case, but that to me gave this idea so much more urgency and was really the driving force for continuing to work on it and get it out into the world.